Here is another chapter from my first book, that some have requested I post and share.
Dating is a destination of its own, requiring a road map, directions and an alternate route to flee. You meet someone, fall in love, then find out that once committed to that individual, the mind games usually pursue. These days, asking to find someone willing to be totally honest with you and be themselves, is like asking someone to have a root canal with no pain relief or numbing. You feel the tug, the severe pain and then the blood bath to follow. Or then you find people so shallow, that they delve into the gene pool, double dipping, and taking a piece of your soul with them along the way.
Another part of the world of loving and being in love is the ability to love and let go. That’s when you love someone and they lead you along a bit and then you realize that you both have two different interpretations of love, and it has become more one sided. You love them enough to let them go, and they love you enough to leave you, but want to remain a part of your life, in case the pursuits they seek to be better for them fail, and they come crawling back, hoping for them open arms waiting to receive them, and you, the sucker, are there.
to grow straight,
to reach the sun
in order to live.
We are walking under them,
in different directions.
But for both of us there is enough sun.
I choose not to compete
But long to lift you lovingly to the light,
scatter joy on your paths,
to interweave you, me and the sun
In a network of life.
And yet these fallen giants,
with the cold, smooth cutting wounds
point to the final law.
I then fall.
And only the light and fire
that we had once taken in
are once again
the signs of helplessness.
Arrows shot without conviction,
Without soul or spirit.
They lack the energy
that seek the heart.
They lack determination
that leads me away from the pain.
I leave the alphabet of thought
and know I have lost the flight.
I watch the motion of the universe
around me and know I shall not fly
for the void bears the loss
of one simple word.
Closed you stand before me.
No door is turned my way
And your eyes offer me no entry.
Yet I know
That if it had a celebration
would have prepared itself for entry
Yet in the silence and seclusion
I shall retreat with respect
and wait for what may never be.
I don’t know if you will invite me in later.
I will not wound you with expectations
nor confine you with suggestions.
I affirm your absence.
And if you open up to me one day
I will take it as a gift,
And if you call me in
I will come
Then we both shall fly.
It makes one wonder why love can have such an effect on us and why we do the stupid things we do all in the name of relationships. We are but simplistic individuals with complex ideals and the need to feel loved by someone, by anyone. My problem with wanting to fly is I kept getting rutted in with turkeys and that did me no good.
©Copyright protected 2011: JD, NWU Local 1981
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