Tag Archives: Multiple Sclerosis

Give me Drugs.. Sweet Little Drugs… NOT!

Give me Drugs.. Sweet Little Drugs… NOT!

Exert from my Book,

“Walk With Me My MS Journey” © 2010

By JD

Author, Reporter-Journalist

Speaking of drugs…. I do get humored at drug company promotional commercials.  They spend so much money to glamorize the benefits, and show how it changes people’s lives through dramatizations and the use of paid celebrities, to only at the ending and in all of about 10 seconds, spit out at a rate you can barely keep up with, the 100 side effects that may paralyze, blind, or even kill you.

 Imagine if they switched the commercial around and showed the promotional aspect in 10 seconds and the side effects in the other 2 minutes, how many of us would rather live with what we have and seek natural alternatives instead of padding Chemical companies pockets?  Despite having to list even the slightest reactions, it can be a scary lesson to learn the hard way, when chemical compounds, sanctioned by politics, play God with your life, in the name of beneficial statistics.

     I do recall one time a wonderful neurologist and I had a conflict of interest over what medication I should take for treating, or slowing the progression of MS.  It was presented as a “great way to alleviate some symptoms, and possibly prevent recurrences as often.  After a little coaxing I did succumb to the enticing lectures of benefits and decided what was there to lose?  Well I could write a whole book on what I discovered later I was losing.  The drawback was injections.

     We first started out on the once a week shot, and oh gee not only was I one for not liking needles, but for the sake of science, and a desire to find a temporary resolution, I was forced to inflict punishment on myself with a needle about 2 inches long into a muscle once a week and experience about 2 days of a flu-like hell.

     Screw that.  Of course that phrase, “the symptoms will subside within a month” was crap.  So we would once again decide to change to a different one, this injection was to be every other day, but a short needle and not much different that an injection a diabetic would give themselves for insulin.  OK I can handle that, or so I thought.  Some days I wonder to myself if my “thinker” had a manufacturer defect back then!

     As soon as the new injections started, so did the side effects.  But this time I was actually determined to listen to the neurologist and follow through with giving the medication time to work and side effects to subside a bit.  There we go with that broken thinking mechanism again!  I found that the longer I was on the medication the more miserable I felt and the faster I was spiraling downward.  First there was the stomach ache, depression, dizziness and joint pain, then the medications to counter those side effects, then more pills to counter the side effects of those effects.  Before I came to my senses I was now on a shot every other day and 11 more medications to counter all the hell that one shot caused.

     I needed pills to wake up, pills to sleep, pills to keep me from killing myself, and pills to keep me from killing other people.  Followed by a pill so I could have a desire to eat and then another to keep the food down once it passed my lips.  The side effects of those caused me to need more pills to alleviate their nasty effects.

     Then one day I got plum fed up with it all.  I was taking meds to alleviate what?  Before the shots I had an occasion bout of a few of the MS symptoms that came during random times that a little bed rest could alleviate within a few days, to a life of barely getting out of bed, unable to balance enough to walk, migraines weekly, throwing up almost 5 meals a week, and so cranky I wanted to choke the life out of almost everyone that crossed my path.  I was done!  I decided no more meds like that!

     I immediately got on the phone and made an appointment with my personal physician.  I expressed my misery and told him I had stopped the shots and was not going to ever do them again, and hoped he would support me.  He said it was my choice and I had to do what worked for me.  Ahhh someone that actually listened and gave a crap, amazing!  Because the neurologist sure didn’t seem to give a crap about anything more than the statistic they were turning me into.

       It took nearly 8 months for all the medications to clear my system, and I had stopped all but the basics I knew were helpful and made it a goal to change my theory on treatment and seek out natural alternatives and fight back that way.   It is still a daily struggle sometimes.  To go to bed at night knowing that when I wake up it will be a miracle if something is not hurting or that the MS may relapse and I may not get out of bed was a blessing verses waking up and feeling like I am no longer living just existing, wishing I were dead.

     I made it a goal to eat healthier, exercise more within reason, be positive and start telling myself daily that I am lucky to be alive and what doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger and fight for life because without living and doing what I want, quantity of life on earth means nothing if there is no quality and enjoyment in it.  I just hope one day that theory does not come back to bite me in the ass, and if it does I will gladly drop my drawers because until that day happens I will take whatever life has to throw at me and just adapt and take it as it is.  So far I have found my health although having its milestones, has improved.

      I now rely on a great herbalist and many Native American remedies for life’s discomforts and that has changed my life tremendously for the positive.  It is amazing how so many old fashioned and natural aids there are that grow around us and can be made into teas or supplements, yet get overlooked or scrutinized because bureaucrats cannot pad their grubby little pockets by taxing and regulating nature and what it offers as a measure of healing.  I am also very blessed to have a medical team that supports my choices, because that’s what it is, a choice, and no one can force me into conforming and being a guinea pig unless I allow them to.

 

©Copyright protected 2015: NWU Local 1981

©IAPP Author/Journalist   Press ID # 1007490467

 

Can’t Shake This Feeling

Can’t Shake This Feeling

Exert from Chapter One in my Book,

“Walk With Me My MS Journey” © 2010

By JD Author, Reporter-Journalist

There are days when even in a crowd of people I feel that I am alone.  I see people talking around me, they notice me, yet I feel as if I am a million miles away, going through the motions, yet I just exist.  I am not sure if it is the feeling of inadequacy, and rejection I have felt over the years for having opinions that are looked upon as inappropriate or a bit twisted that make me feel as if I am living in a world that I don’t belong.  Sometimes I move slower than others, and some days I can keep up.  Perhaps I am just more self conscious as to my limitations at times.

     It is like living in a box and wondering should I hop out and try to be a part of the crowd, or stay in my comfort zone.  I ask myself often is it because I think strangely?  Or am I just a freak of nature with no explanation?   Either way, some days, I think I judge my own sanity or insanity harshly.  But how does one deal with the outside world when they feel they do not fit in?

       I often meet others with medical conditions as mine, and hear them say they feel the same way, yet as an outsider, their world appears perfect.  They have everything they desire going for them, or have their dreams on hold, but they have a piece of that dream existing as a part of them fulfilling their desires.  Why can my world not appear so simplistic? Why can I not have what my heart and soul longs for?  Am I destined to always be a seeker and never find?  Or will that realm of life always belong to another?

Why can what matters the most to me not seem to find it’s belonging within the walls of my world?

I seem but a shadow none dare view.

A reflection of a shell, an existence unexplained

My soul calls out to be noticed Yet cannot be heard,

I hide that I feel pained.

~

I crawl so often, back into my virtual box

Seeking the comfort I know

For if I let no one in and I don’t come out

My pain of existence does not show.

~

There are moments when I emerge

Breaking free of the “cardboard walls”

To hope for understanding, and acceptance

Yet my voice falls on hallowed halls.

~

I let myself fall victim often to desire

For that instant, I feel it as much

Then find myself again exposed, vulnerable

And but a whim for their temporary pleasure as such.

~

I let down my guard, bare my soul

In hopes for something I seek to be true,

To find it but a fallacy, clearly defined

The recipient another venue.

~

Why do I not just stay well guarded?

Building my walls true firm for me

That I cannot escape to harm my soul

On the shallowness of others that be?

~

One day I shall emerge and find my place

I shall rise and not look back to see

What was or did once hold me abreast

Will be walking along hand in hand with me.

 Sometimes it feels as if when I look up in the clear sky at night and see a star and wish upon it, that the star belongs to someone else and they are the ones always getting what the heck I am wishing for and I am just lost in the cosmos.

©Copyright protected 2015: NWU Local 1981

©IAPP Author/Journalist   Press ID # 1007490467