Category Archives: Life and Leisure

Disposable Emotions

The most important ingredient we put into any emotionally based conquest is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.   In a society driven by self gratification and the desire for self pleasure, we lose sight of the more human aspect of emotion and replace it with the need for fulfilled lusts and pleasures of the moment without considering the emotional impact it portrays on the soul.

We know what the sense of feel is, but deny ourselves the ability to experience it and replace it with the physical effect. The shallowness of our existence becomes the prevalent driving force.  In this process, our words and our actions come from superficial humanity rather than from our own inner core, our character. In doing so we simply won’t be able to create and sustain the foundation necessary for effective compatibility. Eventually others will sense that duplicity, when our true colors appear.

In emotion there are three categories: pure-emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up;  disposable-emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you; and silent-emotions, the ones that on the exterior portray to the other to be semi-disposable and denied, yet truly are pure, but fear of exposure remain hidden and pained.

We know too much and feel too little. At least, we feel too little of those creative emotions from which a good connection could form. We want everything in an instant to fill a momentary need, to be later replaced and not a vested aperture to the soul.  That takes time, commitment, and willingness to set aside the “this instant” desire for quick release, and forego the experience of emotions that are substantial and not disposable.

In concrete emotion, we find the ability to grow through setting aside shallowness, and holding on to the emotions evoked, and letting them create a refinement of what we feel.  Then our souls begin to grow.  Is the reason we deny ourselves the pleasure of pure raw emotion a reversion back to an extinct emotion in past experience?  The fear of actually feeling again, or is it the fear of future anticipations being hampered or clouded?  How do we as a society truly be honest with expression of raw and pure emotion when we truly have disposable emotion and left ourselves no true unbridled opportunity to feel deep within and experience?

Some of the biggest challenges in sharing raw emotions come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something at the moment, the “here and now”: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good right then, fill a momentary need, because they hold onto hopes for the better to come.

In reality, the only way a true future emotional connection will last is if you see your emotions as concrete in the present, and let the gratification desired be as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take, with the intent of not turning it off as easily when it becomes something no longer needed.

Shared, concrete emotions are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death, some grow to become the dance of a lifetime, with steps that leave imprints upon the heart and soul of one another, with movements so magic, the heart carries a tune heard by the ears of only one other.

To desire and seek out our emotions and lessen the insignificance,  we need to delve within and seek out personal and interpersonal effectiveness, which  means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to start with the most inside part of self — with your paradigms, your character, and your motives.

Understanding and accepting that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others, is the first step of the wasting away of our shallowness that drives our shallow being. Making a futile attempt to put true character personality ahead of trampling the emotions of others, will cause us to try to improve relationships with others in return improving ourselves.

Lester Bangs once stated in 1978, “The only questions worth asking today are whether humans are going to have any emotions tomorrow, and what will the quality of life be if the answer is no?”  What quality do we as self gratification driven humans have if we base no true emotion in what we do when we seek the gratification without lasting effects?  We lessen ourselves to the character of an inferior statured species of mammal, who seeks out their mate for the simple prospect of momentary coexistence or a state of concubine for a suited purpose, and move on.

Can we truly delineate the difference of emotions?  Is there a definitive line?  Have we drawn ourselves as a portrait so abstract that we do not know where our emotion does rest?  Have we tuned ourselves out to what we should be feeling and experiencing?  Where did we as a society forget the basic 5 senses:  the sense to feel comfort, affection, love; the sense to hear the warm heartbeat of calm surrender; to touch on another’s humanity and the soul of their existence; to taste the joy and the flavor of life and truly living; to see the beauty of the emotion we could inspire in another?

We get so frustrated we just want to tell the objects of our affections to just ‘hit the road’, to quit playing games with our hearts and emotions.  We want and need to tell them before we sink so deep into loving that we forget to continue living.  I have found this to be a repeated cycle in my life.  It’s like the roller coaster ride, that some sadistic operator is at the helm, and refuses to stop the ride long enough for me to get off and I have to jump and flee being injured along the way.



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The Gene Pool

Dating is a destination of its own, requiring a road map, directions and an alternate route to flee.  You meet someone, fall in love, then find out that once committed to that individual, the mind games usually pursue. These days, asking to find someone willing to be totally honest with you and be themselves, is like asking someone to have a root canal with no pain relief or numbing. You feel the tug, the severe pain and then the blood bath to follow.  Or then you find people so shallow, that they delve into the gene pool, double dipping, and taking a piece of your soul with them along the way.

Another part of the world of loving and being in love is the ability to love and let go.  That’s when you love someone and they lead you along a bit and then you realize that you both have two different interpretations of love, and it has become more one sided.  You love them enough to let them go, and they love you enough to leave you, but want to remain a part of your life, in case the pursuits they seek to be better for them fail, and they come crawling back, hoping for them open arms waiting to receive them, and you, the sucker, are there.

These beeches

taking pains

to grow straight,

to reach the sun

in order to live.

We are walking under them,

in different directions.

But for both of us there is enough sun.

I choose not to compete

But long to lift you lovingly to the light,

scatter joy on your paths,

to interweave you, me and the sun

In a network of life.

And yet these fallen giants,

with the cold, smooth cutting wounds

point to the final law.

I then fall.

And only the light and fire

that we had once taken in

Will remain.

My words

are once again

the signs of helplessness.

Arrows shot without conviction,

Without soul or spirit.

They lack the energy

that seek the heart.

They lack determination

that leads me away from the pain.

I leave the alphabet of thought

and know I have lost the flight.

I watch the motion of the universe

around me and know I shall not fly

for the void bears the loss

of one simple word.

Closed you stand before me.

No door is turned my way

And your eyes offer me no entry.

Yet I know

That if it had a celebration

would have prepared itself for entry

Yet in the silence and seclusion

I shall retreat with respect

and wait for what may never be.

I don’t know if you will invite me in later.

I will not wound you with expectations

nor confine you with suggestions.

I affirm your absence.

And if you open up to me one day

I will take it as a gift,

And if you call me in

I will come

Then we both shall fly.

It makes one wonder why love can have such an effect on us and why we do the stupid things we do all in the name of relationships.  We are but simplistic individuals with complex ideals and the need to feel loved by someone, by anyone.  My problem with wanting to fly is I kept getting rutted in with turkeys and that did me no good.

© COPYRIGHT PROTECTED United Press International, any use or photocopying of this must be done only with the written consent of the author

©Copyright protected 2013: JD, NWU Local 1981

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