From Reflections, Revocations, and Revelations, to Reconciliation and Rejuvenation

As we look back into the last 365 days, known all too well as 2012, we start to anticipate the changes we hope to make for 2013.  We already know from past experiences, that with each New Year that befalls us, we will reflect back and struggle to find resolution to questions that seem to be, without answer, revocations that were heartbreaking, and revelations that opened our eyes to what could have been.  We take all of these situations, experiences, thoughts and emotions and try to find a way to make sure that they do not follow us into the New Year.

When we create our New Year’s resolutions, do we truly sit back and think of what positive can be reflected in each negative thing we experienced?   What could be learned from it?  What knowledge did we gain that we can also carry into the next 365 days to come?  For no matter how hard, or painful an incident, or situation was, there is always a positive that can be reflected.  Once we learn to look within ourselves and view something that was not a pleasant event, and grow, we can then redefine ourselves through that experience.

We can look at each incident that impacted us over the past year and find a portion of reflection, revocation and revelation in each circumstance.  We can then take those circumstances and use them as stepping stones to grow emotionally.  We can begin by reconciling within ourselves the positive and then rejuvenate within by using that inner strength the reconciliation creates.

To experience the loss of a family member or loved one whether it is a parent, grandparent, child, grandchild or sibling, the pain can be insurmountable  The inner emotional pain felt is overwhelming and it seems almost incomprehensible that one could find any positive in that!  The many tears that were shed upon your face and the shoulders of those you leaned on for strength may bring momentary comfort, but the emptiness can leave a void the size of a crater.  Especially when multiple family losses are felt, then that hole seems like it is an expansive window into a universe of emptiness.  How does one find a positive in that?

It does seem hard to fathom, but it exists.  It exists in the memories you learn to cherish.  Yes, at times the pain is still there, but so are the new warm emotions they create that can sometimes be followed by a smile, a feeling of content in knowing that if suffering were involved, it has dissipated.  Where there was no suffrage in health, there is the content in knowing that still pieces of that memory; that soul; that family member, is with you in spirit.  You can call forth that strength and cherish it in your weakest moments.

Some that have not experienced a loss would not understand, but I find it very comforting to look at the pictures of loved ones that have passed on and spend some time alone when I am feeling down and miss them, and just have a “chat”.  I find myself on the days I feel the weakest, the worst, I can sit and talk to my grandmother and she speaks to me.  Now I am not saying I ”hear” her voice answering me, or she is talking from the grave.  It is by far a different experience.  I “feel” her in my heart, in my soul.  I have her memories there, and when I have doubt, I talk to her photo, and in my mind I can reflect back to what she would have told me if she were still alive, and a sense of warmth overcomes me, and I smile.    She has spoken to my heart through memories.  There is always the comfort in knowing “When one door closes another opens”, and as one life leaves us another will soon enter to bless our lives and fill it with joy.  If not, then the human race would become extinct and there is nothing more precious than the breath of life, the birth of a child.

Let’s not forget the loss of a special love we may have experienced that may have brought us a disheartened feeling of inadequacy and failure.  To let your heart go when you find that special someone, to finally love and feel loved, and lose it, can sear the heart as if to be branded by a prod so hot, so scarring that it almost seems to burn clean through to the soul, leaving  ashen remains.  This too is a pain that one can find very little comfort or positive sense from.  You battle between a sense of distain, a feeling of abandonment and question and doubt the validity of that affection and love.

For how could someone share such emotion and taunt your heart by reaching out and embracing your weaknesses your needs, and then turn it off so suddenly to pursue another?  How could you be so gullible in allowing it to happen?

There is a part of you that feels the urge to just choke the life out of them, and another part of you that wants to run after them and beg them for an answer, for reprise, for a second chance, yet reality sets in and you feel empty and alone.  You see them moving on and out of that love for them that you harbor, you try to remain friendly and encourage them to make the best of their pursuits, while inside the pain still exists, cutting and searing at your soul daily.

Eventually you do move on, but the pain is always there.  Once again asking what shall I find in this heart breaking experience that’s a benefit?  What is positive in allowing me to be a vulnerable pawn to someone’s shallowness or how did I allow myself to become so disposable?  Why could I not see that I was there to suit a temporary need or fixation emotionally, sexually or just a simple toy for someone’s amusement like a puppet on a string?

It is actually just as it feels joyous and painful.  It is love.  For in feeling and loving and losing that love you have experienced and grown in the sense that you have truly known what it means to love.  For without heartbreak one cannot truly experience love.  Until your heart has felt the passion and then the pain of being tossed aside, one cannot truly learn to love again with a clearer sense.  Then one day perhaps the New Year to come you shall find love and see it with eyes wide open, more clearly, more defined, and love more passionately because you have once known the pain.  You may also have gained enough wisdom to not let down your guard and feel the betrayal as deeply the next time.   Or perhaps that love that created the heartache, may find it’s way back to you and make you both stronger individuals for it.  Either way it is a lesson in the game of love.

You may also through meeting that individual, had other people enter your life that leaves an impact through their friendship and kindness.  Either way, whether they return to you, walked away permanently as you were their pawn, and their arrogance has taught you just how shallow people can be and it has made you stronger, wiser, and less vulnerable to the twisted mind games people play all in the name of self gratification.  Let that be your lesson to not create a pattern of repeated replacing one for another, because that in itself is a semblance of failure in their character, their moral fortitude.  Then you know how not to be.  Lesson learned.

Jobs come and go, and with the state of our economy, many have found this past year very difficult financially and felt losses.  Some to the point they have lost their homes, their possessions, and possibly much more.  Always remember that as we lose things in our lives we are merely making room for change for something different, for a purpose we are just not aware of yet?  Perhaps in 2013 that purpose will be revealed and 2013 will be the time for career changes that can over time mold a better financial future in the long run?  You may also consider furthering your education to better pave a new road ahead.  During these most difficult times you tend to draw closer to family, spend more time at home together, and in doing this, learn more about each other, and grow stronger in the family bond.

If losing a home or belongings we may feel as if we are a failure in the eyes of society or our families because we could not provide what we consider part of their basic needs, shelter, a home.  They say home is where the heart is, so home is wherever we park ourselves.  It is not defined by the structure that contains it but by the love that encompasses every member it holds.  Any place can be considered a house, but love makes it a home.  From a well structured new house with all the amenities the Joneses may own and the latest IKEA ® accompaniments, it is no more a home than the Smith’s in a small cottage with few amenities and second hand furniture.  We need to remember the positive, that home is where the heart is, our home is a home our love built, and it’s ours.

Should our health be a factor, and the past year put us through milestones that have set us back, or hampered us from doing the things we felt were part of our lives and how we defined ourselves, get real!  Life is always changing everyone has challenges, bumps, and obstacles in our path.  We either go around, over, or through them.  If we cannot do that, then it should be our cue that perhaps Karma is sending us a message and that we should change a few directions in our lives, for things to improve.    We are never given in life more than we can handle, and that which does not kill us will either make us stronger, or give us enough endurance to eventually regain our strength and kick someone or something ass with a driving force hard enough to succeed at what we attempt.

So whatever you have experienced in 2012, try to look back at the pain and hardship, and emotional roller coaster’s and grow from it.  Always hold in your heart the family you have lost, and know they will always be with you through memories, scrap books, pictures and in your heart.  For the love you have lost through a spouse or partner or lover, whatever you choose to refer to them now, use that as a tool to never be as shallow, never treat someone as disposable as they may have treated you, and if you can, sit back and relish in the thought that the person they dumped you for will most likely be as shallow as them and one day dump them just like they did you.  Then you will have the last laugh.  Because how you treat people is eventually how you will find yourself being treated, and it is not you that is lacking in character it is them and you by far are too good for them.  In the workforce, improve on your job skills or take on a new avenue of tasks or employ.  Become stronger in your desire for success.

In closing do not be afraid to look back at all the negatives or downfalls that created pain in 2012 and make a New Year better.  Color 2013 brilliant and memorable.  Don’t rush to set goals you know are near impossible to reach but set a list of desired possibilities for change.  Make your year a chance to grow within yourself.  Make new friends and perhaps, veer away from some in the past year that lack the fortitude, character to be a true friend and make them an acquaintance.  You truly do not want anything or anyone to hold you back.  If you fall in love again, just make sure it isn’t with someone shallow and self motivated, or only in it for what they can gain, and when they have found it, bail.  Then you will not be a pawn in their chess game of life.   Repeating the cycle of love and losses should be someone else’s repeated cycle of failures, not yours.  In 2013 LIVE, LOVE and rejuvenate the inner you through learning lesson from the past year and prospective hopes for a newer better year ahead.

©Copyright protected 2013: JD, NWU Local 1981

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