Category Archives: EDS & Hypermobility Spectrum

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.. But don’t forget the worst abuse is NOT visible

Along with physical violence, studies show emotional abuse by far happens way more frequently that physical abuse.

An  emotionally abusive partner will railroad discussions, and will usually have rules or standards for you, that they feel no need to follow or adhere to.

Take a moment to consider these questions.  Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it’s obvious to you and others that they aren’t okay…:

The Unseen Scars of Abuse

October is domestic violence awareness month, and we all imagine and see pictures in our minds of women beaten, bruised and in fear.  But Domestic violence has no gender.  The abuser or victim can be either male or female.  Domestic abuse also does not always have an exterior appearance.  Abuse goes far beyond the physical.  It can be emotional and through control and environment.  How you may ask?  Well let me explain.

When the honeymoon phase of a relationship has peaked, and the world one may live in starts to change, as we all change over time, one can see expectations change.  We see one spouse who will have their friends, their job and their world, and none of their actions should be questioned.  On the other hand there sits a spouse who is not privilege to have friends without drawing a question as to why they have that friend.  One spouse may come and go as they please, while their counterpart is put on a virtual timer so to speak, and must give an accounting of every moment of their time away from the controlling spouse.  If any action does not fit into the “picture” painted by the controlling spouse, doubt flares and now the victim of this control is verbally abused or emotionally abused by the actions of the controller.

When one spouse has actions or conduct that isn’t to be questioned, yet the other is drilled like the French Inquisition of every action and behavior, then it becomes a situation of emotional control.  This is abusive behavior and can be as harmful to an individual as physical abuse.  Control abuses the soul, the will and the identity of the individual.  People grow and change over time and unconditional love, which is what a relationship is supposed to be, means we love one another no matter the changes over time.  It is a matter of trust, a key to loving someone.  If one spouse cannot trust the other, when there is no reason to lack trust, then there is no love.

We get so busy in our work and obligations we forget that we each have feelings.  These feelings matter and how we treat each other is important.  When we try to control or regulate who or what our spouses are we control them and that’s abusive.  When we put ourselves before each other and do not allow each other to reach their full potential, we hamper their will and who they are, and that’s emotionally abusive.

Sometimes our jobs take us away or we are called away often, and while away, we demand a recap of everything our spouses do when we are away. Or we are leave them with a list of expectations, or they do the same to us. We are held accountable for every moment but they are not.   If we do make those demands or expect that every time we make contact with them when we are away, that they be where we expect them to be, always ready always available to talk, we are adding control and are pushing them away.  Our spouses have lives too, and we should realize although we are working hard to support their job choices we cannot control or own another person or we become and emotionally abusive individual. Or even worse, we are so set on controlling our spouses that we do not allow them the ability to pursue their careers because we cannot be there to regulate them and control their surroundings and we hide this under the guise of “protecting them”.

This is one of the biggest complaints by spouses, emotional control. They cannot pursue their dreams or goals because a soups is so emotionally controlling they feel as if they are set up for failure, before they have had a chance to succeed.

Yes it is hard to let go, but do we own people?  Are we not individuals instead of property? We have to understand that they are individuals too and they love and support us in our career choices, we should share the same sentiment.  what right do we have to control them?

When I did a survey among 100 spouses, 75% of the spouses felt very emotionally abused by a controlling spouse.  Several were in tears, loved their spouses, but wished they had a way out from the emotional abuse.  I asked had any of them spoken to their spouses about it, and the majority had, but found their spouses had become very irritated and accusatory as to what their spouse had to hide, when asking for a basic right as a human, to be an individual.

Think about the following:


Do you feel that you can’t discuss with your partner what is bothering you, without them jumping to conclusions?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, accuses you of other motives behind your actions, or undermine your self-esteem?

Is it okay for them to disrupt what your doing, and you must drop everything to give them undivided attention, because your work is insignificant to them, yet you must always give them 200% of your attention?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself through their actions and blame you for their perceptions of negativity about you?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups through negativity when you choose to do something they do not want to partake of?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources because they cannot be there to “protect” or Participate?

Has your partner an addiction to something that wastes money but controls your spending?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever hung out with friends and when you did the same questioned you about every moment spent and insinuated your lying through actions?

Are you afraid of your partner, not because he is abusive, but because he is so controlling you comply to keep the peace?

If you feel you can answer YES to at least 5 of these questions, wake up, you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, with someone controlling and abusive.

So in closing, as we think of October being domestic violence month, remember it doesn’t take a fist to bruise the soul, a smack to wound individuality, nor a shove to steal ones worth.

©Copyright protected 2013: JD, NWU Local 1981

©United Press International,   ©International Association of Press Photographers and Journalists   Press ID # 1007490467

Scientific Research Supports Medical Cannabis for Treatment of MS vs Pharmaceuticals

An estimated 350,000 people in the United States are living with multiple sclerosis (MS), a painful, debilitating, and sometimes fatal disorder of the central nervous system. MS is the most common debilitating neurological disease of young people, often appearing between the ages of 20 and 40, and affecting more women than men. Symptoms vary considerably from person to person; however, one frequently noted is spasticity, which causes pain, spasms, loss of function, and difficulties in nursing care.

MS exacerbations appear to be caused by abnormal immune activity that causes inflammation and the destruction of myelin (the protective covering of nerve fibers) in the brain or spinal cord. MS most frequently presents at onset as a relapsing and remitting disorder, where symptoms come and go. Current treatment of MS is primarily symptomatic, focusing on such problems as spasticity, pain, fatigue, bladder problems and depression.

Anecdotal reports and a small controlled study have reported that cannabis improved spasticity and, to some extent, improved tremor in MS patients. Many studies of the pharmacology of cannabis have identified effects on motor systems of the central nervous system that have the potential of affecting tremor and spasticity.  A recent carefully controlled study of the efficacy of THC in experimental allergic encephalomyelitis, the animal model of MS, demonstrated significant amelioration of these two MS symptoms. Moreover, cannabis has demonstrated effects on immune function that also have the potential of reducing the autoimmune attack that is thought to be the underlying pathogenic process in MS.

Many MS patients report that cannabis has a startling and profound effect on muscle spasms, tremors, balance, bladder control, speech and eyesight. Many wheelchair-bound patients report that they can walk unaided when they have smoked cannabis.

*Research data available upon written request.

Copmarison to Pharmaceuticals

A recent review of all available medications for MS concluded that “forthcoming information relating to the use of cannabinoids in MS may result in there being better evidence of the effectiveness of new treatments than of any of the currently used drugs.”

Over 40 medicines are listed by the Multiple Sclerosis Society as commonly used by MS patients. Symptoms and medications prescribed include “acute exacerbations” (Decadron, Solu-Medrol); depression (Effexor, Paxil, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Zoloft); erectile dysfunction (Papaverine, Levitra, MUSE, Prostin VR, Viagra); fatigue (Amantadine, Cylert, Provigil, Prozac); itching (Atarax); nausea (Antivert); pain (Aventyl , Dilantin, Elvail, Neurontin, Gabapentin, Pamelor, Tegretol); urinary tract infections (Bacrtim, Cipro, Hiprex, Macrodantin, Nitrofurantoin, Pyridium); and urinary frequency or bladder dysfunction (DDAVP, Ditropan, Oxytrol, Pro-Banthine, Tofranil). Interferon-based medicines are also prescribed as “disease-modifying agents.”

Drugs commonly prescribed for muscle spasticity and tremor include Klonopin, Dantrium, Baclofen (Medtronic), Zanaflex and Valium. Klonopin (Clonazepam) and Valium (diazepam) are both benzodiazepines, central nervous system (CNS) depressants maufactured by Roche. Overdoses of these medications, especially when taken with alcohol, may lead to unconsciousness and death. They frequently cause people to become drowsy, dizzy, lightheaded, clumsy, or unsteady. Other common side effects include slurred speech; abdominal cramps or pain; blurred vision or other changes in vision; changes in sexual drive or performance; gastrointestinal changes, including constipation or diarrhea; dryness of mouth; fast or pounding heartbeat; muscle spasm; trouble with urination; trembling. Studies in animals have shown that clonazepam and diazepam can cause birth defects or other problems, including death of the animal fetus. Overuse of clonazepam during pregnancy may cause the baby to become dependent on it and it may pass into breast milk and cause drowsiness, slow heartbeat, shortness of breath, or troubled breathing in nursing babies.

Dantrium is a muscle relaxant manufactured by Proctor & Gamble. It has been shown to cause cancer and non-cancerous tumors in animals, can cause liver damage, and should not be taken with alcohol. Common side effects include diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, weakness, nausea, unusual tiredness, abdominal cramps, blurred or double vision, chills and fever; constipation, frequent urination, headache, loss of appetite, speech difficulties, sleep difficulties and nervousness.

Baclofen (Medtronic) may be administered orally or with a surgically implanted pump in the spine. Its side effects include high fever, altered mental status, spasticity that is worse than was experienced prior to starting ITB Therapy, and muscle rigidity. Symptoms of overdose include shortness of breath or troubled breathing, vomiting, seizures, loss of consciousness and coma. Abruptly stopping implanted baclofen has been fatal.

Cannabis: By comparison, the side effects associated with cannabis are typically mild and are classified as “low risk.” Euphoric mood changes are among the most frequent side effects.  Cannabinoids can exacerbate schizophrenic psychosis in predisposed persons.  Cannabinoids impede cognitive and psychomotor performance, resulting in temporary impairment. Chronic use can lead to the development of tolerance. Tachycardia and hypotension are frequently documented as adverse events in the cardiovascular system. A few cases of myocardial ischemia have been reported in young and previously healthy patients. Inhaling the smoke of cannabis cigarettes induces side effects on the respiratory system.  Cannabinoids are contraindicated for patients with a history of cardiac ischemias.  In summary, a low risk profile is evident from the literature available. Serious complications are very rare and are not usually reported during the use of cannabinoids for medical indications.

©Copyright protected 2013: JD, NWU Local 1981

©United Press International,   ©International Association of Press Photographers and Journalists   Press ID # 1007490467